Dwight Wants Van Gundy Gone

Dwight Wants Van Gundy Gone

By AllenWednesday - April 11th, 2012Categories:

Dwight Wants Van Gundy Gone

Superman’s Kryptonite: Magic, Lois Lane, and Metropolis

We here at Comical Absurdity couldn’t resist writing about the irony seen in the Dwight Howard drama. Comic book fans know that two of the few weaknesses Superman has is kryptonite and Lois Lane, but a lesser known weakness is Superman’s susceptibility to magic. So it’s pretty ironic that a NBA franchise named the Magic has been a weakness for Shaquille O’Neal and Dwight Howard, two of the NBA’s best centers who both have proudly worn the Superman mantle.

If Shaq is Jor’el and Dwight is Superman, then Stan Van Gundy is their Lois Lane. Lane’s work as a reporter, like Stan’s role as NBA head coach, protected Superman in the realm of publc scrutiny. While Stan has risked his reputation to the point of no return when Commisoner Stern squashed him (Stern is seen as Lex Luthor in the above image), and is also seen repeatedly sticking up for his players like his comments attacking the recent cheap shots thrown at Dwight Howard’s back, their relationships have been rocky to say the least. Shaq reportedly forced Stan out of his first job as a NBA head coach, and like a scorned lover publicly refers to Stan Van Gundy as the “master of panic” on national TV.

Less than week ago, Stan Van Gundy, who suffered a heart scare in a stress filled season for the Magic, drank his Diet Pepsi in typical Stan Van Gundy fashion (which is like a boss, although you’d think after a health scare like that a guy would stop indulging in liquid candy like soda) and confirmed to the media that Dwight has been telling management that he wanted Stan fired for the past year. This self-serving and vindicative move by Stan is a half-step away from reaching the lows seen in in Paul Westphal’s infamous letter that aired out the Sacramento King’s dirty laundry about the immature Demarcus Cousins.

Clark Kent doesn’t mind small markets, in fact he likes the life on the farm, but Superman works in big city Metropolis. For Shaq, he called Orlando a “dried up little pond” and left for Hollywood after an infamous Orlando Sentinel poll revealed that fans didn’t think Shaq was worth the big money. Dwight was nearly traded to the Lakers, but sources say Dwight still has his sights set on eventually forging a superduo with Deron Williams in Gotham City. Whether it’s Shaquille O’Neal or Dwight Howard, Orlando and the Magic organization have been unable to give Superman the superstar opportunities he is destined for, both on and off the court.

In the meantime, Dwight and Stan are still putting on a face of hope and professionalism for Orlando fans after their recent victory over the Pacers. With key players such as Hedo Turkologu and Ryan Anderson out due to injury, Stan Van Gundy and Dwight Howard regrouped themselves and according to Stan, “[The win over the Pacers] is the best I’ve felt about this team the entire year.”